Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
