Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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