fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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