we have officially lost it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
