They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
