I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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