dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize