take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize