I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My life is pants optional.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
