great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
