The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
