Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
