1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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