end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
