Kiss
Puke
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
