he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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