did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
