They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
