what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
