At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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