I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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