woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
