Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
