I am puke
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
