it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize