Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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