I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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