dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
