do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
