the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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