eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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