If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
