I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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