if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
