I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
