There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
