Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
