She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
