sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
