the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
