I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
