I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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