all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
