wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
