I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
