I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
