blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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