Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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