well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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