I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
