where am i from again
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
