I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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