I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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