this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
