I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
