update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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