People with herpes should wear stickers.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
