What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
