Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
