i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
