im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
