tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
