hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
