Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
