Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
