That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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