I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We need to feng shui this bitch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
