the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
