At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she peed on how many people?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He shit in the fireplace
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
