So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
